The Guilt
by Pachamama9
Summary: Albus Dumbledore's memories that flash through his head while he drinks the Drink of Despair in the cave with Harry.


**Are You Crazy Enough To Do It Challenge - #231 (Angst)**

 **If You Dare Challenge - #658 (Faulty lies)**

 **Conversation Starter Prompt Challenge - #48 (Write about anything that you want)**

 **Build A Zoo Challenge - Orangutan (Ariana Dumbledore)**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

Albus screamed.

"No!" cried Aberforth.

Their father was launching himself at the boys, and Albus tried to stop him. He was too strong, and Albus was far too little.

His father let out an angry roar, and...

They dragged him out of the courtroom, escorted by the big, cloaked dementors that sucked every smile out of the room.

Albus sobbed.

He had not been strong enough to stop his father from attacking those Muggle boys.

It was all his fault that now his father was in Azkaban. It was his fault that he would never see his father again.

It was all his fault.

 _"Professor, what's—what's wrong? Professor? Professor!"_

Albus screamed.

His mother... Her blood was everywhere, and her face was half gone, blown off by Ariana's magic. It was the most frightening thing he had ever seen. Her arm was halfway across the room, still dripping blood, and her neck was split open as if she had been Splinched. The blood... Why was there so much blood? Their blue carpet was now turning a dark purple as the blood soaked into it. How could this much blood come from one person?

"Ariana..." He knew it was her. She was the one with the blood on her hands, frozen in fear in the corner, her arms up. It wasn't the first time he had seen her like this: vulnerable, ashamed, frightened, anguished... It wasn't her fault, he knew. She was the innocent one, and he was the guilty one. She couldn't control it. But all he could do was stare at his mother's broken, bloody corpse.

He had forgotten to watch her. He had forgotten to keep her calm and harmless, and now his mother was dead.

It was all his fault that she was dead.

It was all his fault.

 _"Professor, you told me to make you keep drinking... You have to keep drinking!"_

Albus screamed.

He could see his sister now, and the spell that struck her directly in the chest. He saw Aberforth and Gellert's shocked expressions. He watched her fall, the uncontrollable magic that lived inside of her sending all three boys flying backwards as she lost her life.

She was too little to die.

Albus knew it was his curse that had hit her.

It was all his fault that she was dead.

It was all his fault.

 _"Professor Dumbledore, please, you have to drink—"_

Albus screamed. He hadn't meant to—

"You killed her!" Aberforth screeched, and he launched himself at Albus.

"Your fault!" Albus shot back, and everything he spouted after was lies. He didn't want his brother to know that it was all his fault that their sister was dead.

He didn't want Aberforth to know that he had killed their only other sibling. That it was entirely his fault.

But it was his fault.

It was all his fault.

 _"Professor, please, one more—"_

Albus sobbed.

It was always his fault. All of their deaths... His fault.

His fault.

 _"Professor, just one more, I promise, then it'll be over—"_

His fault.

All his fault.

 _"Professor, we're almost done, you just have to—"_

"Kill me!"

Albus clawed at his throat, where the guilt lay beneath his skin. He could feel it growing, like the pool of blood beneath his mother's head. It drove him mad, like Nargles scrambling his brains.

"Kill me!"

He begged for Death. Death would give him the silence he craved, the emptiness in his head that would relieve him of his chains. He wanted the boy, the brave one who led his army, to kill him, to let it be over with.

"Kill me!"

He screamed for Death to take him already. He was so sick of living with the shame in his head, the shame that rose every time he got out of bed. It clouded his mind in his darkest moments and crept in during his brightest. He wanted to—

 _"Kill me!"_

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Please favorite, follow, and review!**


End file.
